Recent study shows recent studies show nothing

Have you ever read about a study which goes completely against common knowledge? It seems like pretty much every study in existence today was created solely for that purpose. The truth is that no one wants to hear about a study which confirms what people already know – that would be boring. But the minute a standing assumption is broken, the alarms must be sounded.

The media in particular doesn’t seem to ever give reference or context to the studies they talk about. The term ‘recent study’ has now become a synonym for a fact that is clearly accepted by everyone on the planet and no one should argue with.

In reality, some student somewhere did a study where they found that under certain circumstances, there might be a correlation between A and B. Of course, by the time it reaches the media, eating tacos causes swine flu.

Every time I hear one of this moronic reports I ignore them almost by reflex, because there is a 99% chance there will be another study in 6 months which proves the exact opposite. The whole godamn system is flawed.

The even bigger problem is that people today are used to being told what to do, what to eat, what to watch, what to wear. So much so, that if they start making stupid decisions in life, they start suing anyone they can for not telling them what to do.

Think about it. Just off the top of my head, I can list a bunch of shit that has gone from “Good/harmless” to “MAY CAUSE CANCER/DEATH” without any real basis:

  • Eggs
  • Yogurt
  • Coffee
  • Cell phones
  • Water. Water, for crying out loud.

I’m sure you can add to that list. The truth is, someone can do research to prove that anything is bad for you. As long as it makes a story, why the hell not?

The worst part about the studies is that people start to freak out. We all know how dangerous it is when stupid people freak out. Just stop for a second and realize that if you’ve been eating eggs everyday for the past 10 years and you are alive, then you read a study about how eggs will kill you, YOU JUST DISPROVED THE STUDY. You are not the Great Exception to science, there is nothing special about you. You have probably eaten enough shit in your life to warrant death via other means, so if eggs had the power to push you over the edge they would have done so already.

What’s the solution? Moderation. Anything in excess is probably going to hurt you, it’s not freaking rocket science. You can still eat the shit you want, just don’t do it too much. Don’t sit on your ass too much. Don’t read into studies too much. Don’t watch FOX news ever.

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0 thoughts on “Recent study shows recent studies show nothing

  1. JZ says:

    It’s bad enough with these studies… imagine sending the herd of mindless sheep to the voting booths! Never mind, you don’t have to imagine.

  2. Mr.E says:

    A lot of this is the media’s fault, in that they hardly ever understand the research they report.
    It’s made worse by the fact that a lot of times “research” is funded by special interest groups, and they will keep paying someone to get them the results they want. e.g. the imaginary Egg Consortium would pay millions in research grants to a guy who says he can get results that refutes a “recent study” that shows eggs are bad.
    So, as you correctly pointed out, with no context provided by the media when they say “recent studies” its very hard to know what is real research and what’s research-for-hire.

  3. Toilet Hugger says:

    A recent study has shown that eating tacos produces a new strain of swine flu, known as EH1N1. This more extreme strain will either kill you, or make you wish you were dead for at least 24 hours. The only known cure for such a virus is to start a new job the Monday after acquiring it.

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