Super Size Me: A documentary by Captain Obvious

I watched it. The result: I gained an extensive set of information (read: ammo) about specifically why this movie is a complete waste of time.

Let’s take a look at the premise of the film. Morgan Spurlock will eat McDonalds for all three meals in a day, and do this for 30 days straight. Firstly, there is no value in conducting such a stupid experiment, because it is not based on realistic conditions. No one eats 3 McDonalds meals a day for 30 days straight. I’m going to make a documentary where I drink water 55 times a day, almost die, and then tout myself as a hero for saving the world from the deadly threat of water.

During his ‘experiment’, he consistently visits doctors to find out how it is affecting his health. Obviously, his cholesterol, triglycerides and other its-bad-to-be-high measures go way up. For some reason I cannot fathom, he is surprised by this. He then calls his wife to tell her that eating lots of McDonalds is making him sick. She is shocked, and starts freaking out. Once again, this scenario is not realistic. There is no reason why either of them should be shocked. Here’s a more believable series of events: He calls his wife to tell her that he never graduated high school. She is not shocked at all.

Once the experiment is complete, he ends up gaining something like 20 pounds and supposedly doubles his risk of heart disease. Frankly, I don’t find the latter to be that threatening since he was very healthy to begin with (if your initial risk is almost-zero, doubling it means it’s still freaking almost-zero). He then goes on an “antitoxin” diet specified by his Vegan Chef wife and manages to undo the damage in about 3 months time.

…Really? That’s it? For the movie to really be effective, he pretty much needed to almost die. People don’t respond to petty issues like mild depression and weight gain. There just wasn’t enough gore in this movie for his attempted scare tactic to work. While I could sit and list a comprehensive list of all the ways Spurlock fails, I will narrow it down to four:

  1. “McDonald’s is Evil. Spreading this movie will help destroy it!”

    WRONG. McDonalds does not give a shit about Morgan Spurlock’s undocumentary. They own eight trillion franchises all over the world, and have already expanded to Mars since we discovered there might be water there. Spurlock mentions in this movie that 2 weeks after releasing the film, McDonald’s got rid of the Super Size option, hinting that his movie was the driving force behind that change.

    BULLSHIT.

    The only reason McDonald’s did that is simple catalogue optimization. They figured that if they just make everything one size bigger by default, that’s one less choice the customer has to make (remember: choices involve thinking, and 40% of Americans are allergic to that). Suddenly, all these people are eating and drinking Large size items thinking that they are eating healthier because they didn’t Super Size. Genius.

  2. “The Average Joe will see how much harm eating McDonald’s caused, and mend his ways!”

    WRONG. Here’s what immediately came to my mind after watching this movie: “If eating like that only adds 20 pounds, eating it once a week should do no real harm at all.”

    Do you realize what just happened? Watching this movie actually reinforced my own belief that it’s okay to eat McDonalds. Stunning work.

  3. “Some Americans eat McDonald’s for all their meals. Once they see me do it they’ll know it’s time to stop!”

    RIGHT. Just kidding, you’re still wrong. Americans who are stupid enough to eat McDonald’s for every single meal will not learn anything from your movie. They drink 10 gallon sodas 3 times a day and wonder why they have heart disease.

    FACT: This is all part of a well-documented phenomenon known as natural selection. Instead of wasting time and money trying to solve this non-problem, we should devote our resources to trying to save the world from the biggest threat since the plague: a little known syndrome called OMGSFH (OH MY GOD SWINE FLU HELP). This disease has spread rapidly throughout the States and has taken hundreds of lives. It starts by inducing a mental state of panic, at which point individuals begin to run around in circles. Soon, their trajectory intersects with others who have contracted OMGSFH, and they run into each other and fall. Not being able to get up, they eventually starve to death.

  4. “Well, at least people are talking about it. That’s good…right?”

    WRONG. People talking about McDonald’s means people thinking about McDonald’s, which inevitably leads to people eating McDonald’s (if you think my logic is flawed, your opinion is wrong). Where does such a metric actually make sense? That’s right, kids — advertising. QED. This entire film is a giant ad for McDonald’s. Congratulations Spurlock, you are officially a more profitable mascot than Ronald McDonald.

I’m off to go get a Big Mac.

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Dear Sony Store: Please stop existing

In case you’re not aware, there is a sale going on. Which store? All of them. What items? Everything. Why? It depends on the store, but it is either because they are going out of business and thus have a clearance sale, or because they are trying to stay in business and so they are having a clearance sale.

Needless to say, it really sucks to see good stores shut down. I mean, there’s always the silver lining to these things (42″ Samsung LCD for $700? PROFIT!!), but in the end it’s at the very least inconvenient because now you have one less store to find things that you probably don’t need.

The other day I was at a Virgin Megastore, a store I only recently discovered. They were having a sale, which was nice, but I soon realized it was a closing down sale. It turns out that all branches of the Virgin Megastore are going to be shut down. This made me somewhat sad, as it is has a large selection and there aren’t that many stores in the city like it.

Anyway, by the time I left the store, I had come to terms with its impending shutdown. Businesses need to be competitive and profitable to warrant their real estate, especially in this city, where an inch of land is worth its width in gold.

Then, I saw it. The store beside Virgin. Big fancy lights. Costly display sets. No sign of going out of business. That must mean it actually makes money, right? Wrong. It was the Ferrari Store.

Am I the only one who finds it incredibly retarded that the freaking Ferrari Store is still open? Seriously, who actually shops there? (You are now imagining the one scenario where it might be appropriate: if you owned a Ferrari. PRO TIP: If you owned a Ferrari, and you shopped at the Ferrari store, the sheer douchebaggery of such a move would eradicate all coolness points earned by owning a Ferrari.)

So what could possibly be worse than running a store which is expected to have an operating loss until Q3-ENDOFTIME? Running many such stores.

Enter Sony, the proverbial sensei of innovating things which don’t make money. In particular, I find the Sony Store to be the worst offender of all.

Have you ever walked into one of those? There is absolutely no reason for any of them to exist. Here’s why:

  1. No one ever buys anything there. Ever.
  2. There is no evidence that any of the employees are trying to sell you anything. It is a foregone conclusion that their sole purpose is to inform you about Sony products, so you can be a more informed shopper when you go to a real store.
  3. You can buy each and every product at another store for much cheaper. Always.
  4. At some point, the Sony Store will shut down (or serve as my motivation to become rich, so that I can buy them all and shut them down myself). When this happens, they will have a going out of business sale, and everything will be 50% off. It is important to note that all items in the store will STILL BE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN IN OTHER STORES.

But it doesn’t end there. If it isn’t the Sony Store, it’s catastrophic fails such as the PS3. I don’t even think there is a hardcore PlayStation fan left out there who actually defends that console. Of course, this was expected since you could actually buy a laptop computer for cheaper than a PS3, and none of the good titles actually came out until a year after release. They even managed to lose support from Square, with the Final Fantasy series gone with it (in case you’re not familiar with either of those, that would basically be like Nintendo losing Mario).

Sony has taken a really big hit as far as reputation goes. People don’t look at it the same way. They need to reinvent themselves, and regain appeal with their audience. At the very least, they should shut down the Sony Stores, and maybe donate some of that money to cancer research. Certainly, the books would look better with all those projects marked as “not-for-profit”, as opposed to “not-a-chance-for-profit”.

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Car alarms are like the UN of the streets: they make lots of noise, but no one actually listens.

Ever notice how car alarms have now become part of the “normal” downtown city atmosphere? All day, all night, you will hear a car alarm going off somewhere.

Why?

We accept things like ambulance, police, and fire truck sirens because they serve a very important purpose (on the odd occasion, however, that purpose may just be getting the driver past that red so he can cash in on the Circuit City out-of-business sale). But what I consider even more important is that they are effective. You hear that siren, you get the hell out of the way. Mission accomplished.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about car alarms. To prove my point, let’s analyze two situations where a car alarm comes into play.

SITUATION 1 – Some idiot touches your car by mistake: He fumbles around like a moron, taken aback by the sudden noise. Embarrassed, he tries to regain his composure by fixing his shirt and maintaining position beside the car, because moving too quickly will only worsen his already cemented title as that douchebag on the street. A few people look at the car to inspect what’s going on, notice that a man is standing beside the car with an alarm going off, assume it’s his, and just keep moving.

SITUATION 2 – Someone is actually stealing your car: He gets the door shimmied open using a hangar, and just as he opens the door the car alarm goes off. A few people look at the car, notice that a man just got into the car, assume it’s his, and just keep moving.

LESSON OF THE DAY: There is no way for people near the car to differentiate between situation 1 and 2. More importantly, no one will look at the car long enough to find out. They are so annoyed by the obnoxious eardrum-raping assault that is your car alarm that they are getting the hell away from your car as quickly as possible.

Think about the sheer volume of noise pollution caused by all the car alarms out there today. Noise in itself is not the worst thing in the world, and can’t always be avoided. Useless noise, on the other hand, is goddamn sacrilege. This general rule applies to speech too, by the way (translation: say less stuff and people might actually tolerate you). The only other justification I can think of for these horrible systems is the goal of alerting the car’s owner. Back to the situation rule.

Imagine yourself sitting in your desk, and suddenly your car alarm goes off. What do you do? Quickly run outside because you recognize the car alarm as yours, defeat the evil car thief and save a baby from a fire on your way back? NO. You hear an annoying car alarm, you don’t even think about the possibility of it being yours because a) they all sound the freaking same and b) what are the chances of that happening to you? You make the obligatory joke with your coworker about the owner of that car being a douche for never turning their alarm off, and then as an exaggerated expression of your anger you threaten to burn down the building. To escape the awkward silence resulting from your threat, you put on your headphones and get back to not doing any work. Alert Fail.

So, now that we have established that the warning system is completely ineffective, as its audience pays no attention to the signals, shouldn’t logic prevail and the systems be disabled? Of course not. If such logic were ever to dictate policies of any kind, I wouldn’t hear “We are now on Homeland Security Alert Level Fuschia” every goddamn time I walk into the airport.

So do humanity a favour. Disable your car alarm. If your car gets stolen, don’t worry. Just steal someone else’s car. And don’t worry if their alarm goes off while you’re doing it — no one will care.

**NOTE: I do not, in any way, condone or advise the theft of motor vehicles. I do, however, believe in the blow up car if alarm is on for more than an hour rule.

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Terrorism invokes US retaliation*

*Unless you’re Israel.

After returning from my trip through India, and just now hitting up Lake Tahoe, there are quite a few positives I could write about.

But I can’t. The world is a terrible, terrible place right now, and Gaza is the heart of misery. One must keep in mind that war brings the most gruesome of times, but what is happening right now certainly cannot be described as a war. It’s genocide, plain and simple.

There used to be a way civilians could avoid dying during war. Methods like hiding in residential buildings, hospitals, or schools were once pretty effective in avoiding direct fire from soldiers. Sadly, Israel seems to be targeting such civilian areas more than any military ones. When reached for comment, Israeli officials responded, “Geneva who?”.

I could sit here and link to all the material outlining the atrocities. Things like how Red Cross teams aren’t allowed to save dying civilians in residential areas. How poison gas was used to wipe off civilians. How entire generations of families would be killed in one go (yes, this is a significant thing — most countries do not bomb a house with 20 people in it, especially when it is surrounded by nothing but other houses). On and on and on. The numbers, the videos, the articles… they’re all there. But what’s the point?

Even if the UN Chief accuses Israel of war crimes, does anyone actually care unless the US publicly announces that Israel is in the wrong here? Does anyone besides the US government still believe Hamas broke the ceasefire first (even CNN doesn’t anymore)? The UN’s crippling inability to ever accomplish anything has never been more on display than this very moment. The world watches mass genocide being committed and stays silent just because the US government does.

Tomorrow Obama gets inaugurated. It’s a great day for the US, a great day for the world. Change has been promised, and Obama has focused on many areas which need the most attention. What bothers me though, as I’ve said before, is that Obama has promised to maintain the US’s current policies on Israel.

Why? Can anyone explain to me why the hell Israel gets a free pass? Is the Jewish community’s influence in this country powerful enough to excuse terrorism? Seriously?

I will wake up tomorrow and watch a great man be given a presidency. I just hope the recent events cause Obama to wake up too. It’s time to smell the burnt, blood-stained, gas-poisoned roses.

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Burger King invents new way for customers to lose weight: eating each other

BK has never really had any challenge for the Outstanding Contributions to Obesity Awards. With its leading horse being the Whopper, its competitors are forced to find new ways to inject calories into their offerings just to keep up. Even the Big Mac is no match for the Whopper’s extremely efficient caloric compression skills.

Unfortunately for BK, they are behind McDonald’s in market share by a measly eight trillion restaurants. McDonald’s has also gotten some attention recently for introducing a “healthy” menu, for those concerned with nutrition (what, exactly, such people are doing in McDonalds is beyond me). Comparing the healthy options to the core menu is like choosing between a priest and a serial rapist. Either way, you lose money and get raped.

As a counter to McD’s nutritious rape menu, BK has introduced a new product which they feel will target the weight-loss freaks. The product is designed to help people lose weight, and furthermore, to help people around them lose weight too. By doing so, BK will be discarding its reputation as an evil corporation which fattens the masses, instead replacing it with a health-conscious salad-loving unicorn factory.

While I may be exaggerating BK’s intentions, I assure you their actual offering is just as ridiculous. You can now purchase a cologne that smells like Burger King meat. Before you click, be warned that the website’s designers were apparently given instructions to specifically design a “product destination site SLASH softcore porno film repository”. I have no freaking clue what class of imbecile would be convinced to buy one of these items.

Men wouldn’t buy this, because they already spend money on other colognes so they can hide the fact that they just ate BK five minutes ago. Women would consider buying this, then see the website’s display of the half-naked BK man and subsequently throw up / enter in a permanent self-induced coma. Children, however, are stupid. They could be convinced to buy this if they were offered it on the street. Or better yet, BK could finally have its own kids meal, with the toy being the cologne. Kids can spray themselves for fun, and since the perfume is composed entirely of actual BK burger contents, it will only be 60% more toxic than if they ingested a real cologne.

There’s only one problem: when the child goes home. His morbidly obese mother will smell the familiar Whopper scent, and with her eyes fixated on tonight’s Jerry Springer, her natural reflexes will take over, and she will eat her own child. Technically, this is still promoting nutritious meals, as eating her son is probably more healthy than eating a Whopper. Unless of course, her son had just ingested trace amounts of the BK cologne, in which case she will probably die within minutes.

Just for the record — I don’t hate BK. I love eating there, but I only eat the chicken sandwiches.

Oh, by the way, I’m off on a trip to India for 2 weeks or so. Haven’t been in over a decade, so it should be interesting. Happy holidays.

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A moment of silence for bash.org

I cannot recount how many hours I have spent perusing this great emporium of hilarious quotes. In case you’re not familiar with it, bash.org is a very simple site which allows user submitted snippets of chat logs (funny quotes in essence), and provides a simple digg-like promotion/demotion scheme (as far as i know, it’s actually older than digg, so i guess i should say digg provides a bash-like system).

If you’re not already convinced of its awesomeness simply due to my recommendation, you should check out its top 100 list. The 3rd ranked quote is my favorite — and indeed I do have plans to invent just such a device.

Now, bash.org has encountered many situations which threatened its ability to stay up, primarily consisting of hosting issues. Throughout its history, however, there has always been one issue with the site that simply drove me insane: abhorrently slow moderation of the submissions. I don’t know how many times I would visit the page only to find the same goddamn quotes show up there.

The bigger issue was that even the shitty quotes that were voted down would be left on the top of the page. In some cases, the worst kind of quote would stay up — these were quotes that were actually designed for bash submission. You could just tell when two or more IRC assclowns got together and staged some sequence of events which they assumed the world would find hilarious, since their moms always seemed to laugh at their jokes. A typical submission would go something like this:

*** LinuxNoob entered the room
<LinuxNoob>hey guys, i am new to linux
<LinuxNoob>how do i change my password
<ArkaneRaidenMaceMan>oh its easy
<LinuxNoob>ok tell me what to do
<ArkaneRaidenMaceMan>just open the terminal, and type rm -rf *
*** LinuxNoob left the room
<ArkaneRaidenMaceMan>HAHAHAHAHA IM AWESOME

Now, it’s nontrivial to determine whether or not such an event was real, or staged. If it was staged, both of these assclowns need to taste the wrath of my soon-to-be-invented device. If it was real, the guy giving the “advice” needs to consider the notion that maybe LinuxNoob realized he was not going to get any real help, and actually left the freaking room. In either case, at least 50% of the people involved in the situation are retarded enough to be electrocuted in Texas.

The real draw of the site, at least for me, was the notion that it was always receiving an ever-growing number of submissions, and thus there was a potential store of millions of funny quotes. I was personally under the impression that the reason for slow moderation was high submission volume. With this in mind, I decided that I must take it upon myself to save bash.

I clicked on the “Moderator Application” link, ready to offer my invaluable services for the greater good of humanity. My submission was apparently pre-screened by a super intelligent Cyberdyne-like machine which deemed my time too valuable to be wasted on such things, and rejected my application instantly (a.k.a. the page is down). Either way, my surprise reached its apex when I looked at the bottom right of the bash.org home page.

In innocent 10-point font, it read: “20531 quotes approved; 139 quotes pending”. One hundred and thirty nine? That’s it? Suddenly, it hit me. There is no submission volume overload. There is no Cyberdyne system which intelligently moderates hundreds of submissions per second. The harsh reality must be faced: bash.org is dead. People just aren’t submitting quotes anymore. I guess all the ArkaneRaidenMaceMen have found a new place to compose “hilarious” scenes for the world/their moms to enjoy.

RIP, dear bash. You will be missed.

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Microsoft lists web sites broken by IE8, beats Google at indexing the internet.

EDIT: This article has been featured on uncov.com!

Don’t get me wrong. The primary goal of the revived IE team has been to achieve standards compliance, and I respect that. The problem is, it’s almost 2009. The damage is already done. It’s worth taking a minute, however, to stop and reflect on the effect IE has had on the interwebs.

Conventionally, the sole purpose of a browser is to show you content. A browser should never play any part (directly or indirectly) in changing the content. This rule is as fundamental as it is simple. Unfortunately, like the UN, the browser police will only go as far as writing down the rules in large bold font, in hopes that someone else will actually enforce them.

Rewind to 1996. Imagine you’re in a classroom. The lesson is basic mathematics, and the teacher is writing up simple formulas. All the kids can see the board clearly, except for this one kid in the front, named Imon Ecstasy (for no reason in particular, I will refer to him by his initials, IE). IE has glasses with the magnifying power of the Hubble, and swaps hygiene tips with dead cats. He also happens to be the principal’s only son. Furthermore, his father has enrolled him in every single class in the entire school.

IE raises his hand, and points out to the teacher that he cannot see shit. The teacher is left no choice but to make amends for him, and starts writing on the board in a way that IE can see clearly. So, instead of seeing 2′s and 4′s on the board, all the other kids now see drawings of giant turds. But hey, IE can see the numbers just fine, and that’s all that really matters.

Fast forward to 2009. IE has had laser eye surgery, and his vision now matches that of his peers. Unfortunately, every single teacher in the school has forgotten how to write real numbers on the board (let alone complex ones), and all of the school’s textbooks have been replaced with collections of turd diagrams.

Now armed with normal vision, IE can’t see shit on the board (more accurately, the only thing he can see is giant drawings of shit). He then starts crying to all the teachers, demanding that they change the way they write on the board. Again.

At this point, the other kids have had just about enough, and some of them start shooting spitballs at IE. Recalling how he dealt with the situation before, IE proceeds to give them his lunch money.

All in all, the notion of a fully standards compliant IE is appealing, despite the initial cost of making half the world’s websites look like ass. It should be noted, however, that the same promises were made with IE7, which ended up with a net increase of jack shit percent in overall standards compliance.

To make things worse, every time IE’s popularity rating drops, the obese bully of the class grins to himself as he convinces one more douchebag to join his pokemon treehouse club.

Clearly, we need to increase spending on education.

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US Govt. proposes new 2009 bailout for themselves, to pay for 2008 bailout.

Seriously though, I wouldn’t be surprised. See below. Yes, the pie charts are to scale. Someone has gone ahead and converted the big scary numbers of this bailout into an easy to read pie chart. Now you have something to show your kids!

Government Fail[Source: Voltage Creative]

Before you get too carried away in exasperation over the blood pie of death omen shown above, you should keep one thing in mind: Like all the other projects being compared here, this is not money that has disappeared into thin air. It is essentially an investment, and investments are supposed to actually make money.

In reality, government projects don’t yield very good returns. Most people consider the Iraq war, in particular, a completely unnecessary waste of funds. But there’s always two sides to the coin. There was an asset here, and that asset was not democracy. So, if the US succeeds in its epic quest for spreading freedom and unicorns across the globe, one could actually refer to this particular investment as profitable.

Much the same way, this bailout is an investment into the banks, and it includes purchasing their assets and equity. It is entirely possible that a recovery will ensue, the banks will regain prosperity, and the government will get their money back with interest. Of course, it’s also possible to set your own house on fire by using extension cords.

One of the intentions for the bailout was to initiate a speedy recovery for the financial system, simply by injecting money into the pool (there is also the suggestion that it injects “hope” and “confidence”, when in reality the effect is more like “chronic depression”). Needless to say, that ship has sailed (into Somalian seas, after which it was immediately taken over by pirates).

This is where one would like to say, “Who knows? Obama became president. Anything is possible!”. Yes, Obama is president. Yes, it was awesome, inspired the world, and brought thousands of kittens back to life across the universe. But there is a limit to how much he can really do. If Bush simply maxed out the credit cards, Obama could cut them up, and rebuild credit. Unfortunately, Bush had no credit limit on his card, and ended up spending enough money to take all the banks out of business. Your move, Obama.

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House of Dare 2008 Megamix

As most of you already know, I’m a huge fan of house music. Back when I was in Waterloo, my brother and I would often pull together playlists of the best music we could find for that season + genre. This time around, I used Traktor to mix the tracks into a set. There is a bit of a hitch on transition somewhere in the middle (got a phone call), but with Traktor you’re mixing it live, so life happens.

Anywho, here it is. Feedback is always appreciated.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Here’s the direct link in case you wanna download it: Link

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AT&T: The bigger they are, the harder they fail

A little over a year ago, I sold my soul by signing a 2-year contract with AT&T. In retrospect, I made a fatal error in not having contractual rape protection beforehand. Here’s the deal:

My phone now turns itself off at will. If i put it on my pocket, it might turn off. If i put it on a desk, it might turn off. Basically, the vibrations caused by me typing this sentence may well have turned it off. It was a good phone, a simple Sony Ericsson phone whose sole purpose was to make phone calls. Despite the overwhelming majority of “smart” phones owned by every single person around me, I managed to hold off till now. Unfortunately, my phone’s inability to satisfy its minimum requirements of being on have forced my hand.

So I decided it’s time to drop the bills and get a new one. I walk into an AT&T store and tell him I want a new phone. I’m looking at the new blackberry which just came out, the Bold. He then asks if I am already on a contract. I gladly respond to his query, informing him that I am an existing customer with AT&T. My assumption is that, while I may still have to sign a new contract to get a discount, being an existing AT&T customer is a benefit here. Ah, my naivety.

AT&T Guy: Sorry, you cannot buy the phone.
Me: What?
AT&T Guy: We are not selling the phones to existing customers. Only to new customers.
Me: Why?
AT&T: It’s a new phone. Only new customers can buy it.
Me: Why?
AT&T: That’s just how it works. You might be able to buy it when it is not as new.
Me: When will it be “less new”?
AT&T: Umm. Maybe… in a month?
Me: Why a month? What is that based on?
AT&T: It’s just the policy.
Me: …
AT&T: ..
Me: Listen. My phone is broken. I need a new phone. Can I buy another phone? What about the iphone? That’s old now. Can i buy that?
AT&T: No, that’s still considered new. You can’t buy that till your contract expires…. *checks stuff*… which is May 2009.
Me: But the iphone has been out for a month.
AT&T: It’s just store policy.
Me: …
AT&T: ..
Me: So let me get this straight. If I wasn’t already with AT&T, I could buy a phone. But since I am, I cannot buy a phone.
AT&T: ..Yes.

At this point, I leave the store, still in utter shock as to what just happened. AT&T actually refused to take my money. I walked in with a bag of money, showed it to them, and said please take all of my money because I have no use for it, and then they said No. I’m still shocked.

I then called AT&T customer service and the guy on the phone seemed pretty understanding of my situation. He said he dealt with this kinda shit all the time, and had a great solution. I was all ears. His solution was that I sign another 2-year contract for an additional line at $9.99 a month, and use that new line to get the phone. Seriously. This was his “inside method” to get me my phone. I get to pay $240 over 2 years for a line that no one will use so that I can save $200 on the phone. Freaking genius. I asked if I could sign a 2-year contract for a new phone, and have the 2 years added on to my current contract (which is gay, but at least satisfies their interest to have me finish my initial 2 years). He said No. Awesome.

All in all, I’m not really sure what to do now. 6 months is a long time, and I kinda do want an email phone now. But the Bold is too expensive on its own ($550), and paying $399 for an iphone i would normally get for $199 makes me want to shoot things (by things I mean AT&T, and by shoot I mean stab in the face). I guess I could also just use one of the temp phones I have lying around for 6 months. I just find it so fundamentally retarded that they are refusing to take my money. How is that ever, under any circumstances, a smart business decision?

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