Tag Archives: gore mccain blackberry

I built the internets.

So, we’re all aware that political candidates can and will take any measure to enhance their approval ratings during the bullshit-fest that is the elections. I’ve now detected a pattern over the past decade that seems to be forming — the need to declare oneself as the creator of holy things.

This technique was first perfected by everyone’s favourite wax museum escapee, Al Gore, who claimed to have invented the freaking internet. Now, I recognize that this was proven to be a hoax, but that was a good deal of time later. I didn’t exactly see the Gore campaign parting the earth to invalidate the suggestion while he was up for election.

Following closely in Al Gore’s footsteps (is that an oxymoron? has anyone actually seen him move?) is John McCain. Apparently, he is now being credited with creating the Blackberry. An interesting notion, but there is a small gap in that logic:

“McCain has acknowledged that he doesn’t know how to use a computer and can’t send e-mail, one of the BlackBerry’s prime functions.”

I’m not saying McCain is not capable of innovation. I mean, if someone were to tell me that John McCain was the man behind recent inventions such as the monacle, I’d have no arguments. None. After all, I’m sure at some point he saw a Blackberry. By Palin’s logic, that makes him an expert on mobile devices!

Furthermore, if he continues his trend of buying more houses than he can count, he’ll soon be able to see all kinds of shit from his porch(es). That would give him more insight into the American nation than anyone in the country! I can already hear the new McCain campaign chants: “4 More Houses… 4 More Houses…”