Listen to Yourself

Last fall, I gave a talk in Cupertino at a high school technology symposium, and told the story of me. The talk is titled “Listen to Yourself”, and describes how I learned the importance of listening to your instincts, and how they can help you find the best path in your career (a.k.a. the happiest one).

I’m probably more proud of this than any other talk I’ve given, mainly because it gave me a chance to reflect on my own life, from high school to college to the startup world. Oh, and the audience was full of high school kids; that’s always a good time. It was a lot of fun.

I hope you enjoy it, and perhaps learn something from it too

P.S. If you want to skip the intro and go straight to the talk, jump to 3:50.

Gettin Meta with Ruby

Last night, I did a talk on using Ruby metaprogramming to build fun and interesting DSLs. It was a pretty complex talk by itself, but I’m proud that I was able to implement the code live in a fully test-driven manner, during the talk. I think it emphasizes my perspective about testing being a guide and a helper, not a hindrance to speed or efficiency.

Here are the slides from the talk: https://slid.es/salmanansari/gettin-meta.

The slides include a Resources section at the end with some additional links you might find helpful on the topics of Ruby, metaprogramming, and Redis (which was the subject of the demo).

Why Test?

I’ve become a really strong advocate of test-driven development in the past couple of years, and have spent an increasing amount of time mentoring and teaching others best practices for it. However, I found that in general, there is a ton of information about how to test, but very little about why you should test.

I decided to do a talk specifically on the motivation and reasoning for why testing is important. I did this talk at the same venue where I taught my Ruby on Rails class — at General Assembly.

Check out the full recording for the talk here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DCzu7Horio

You can also just view the slides here: https://slid.es/salmanansari/testing

Enjoy! Feedback and comments welcome, of course :)

Let’s Innovate for Humanity

After going through a recent startup acquisition, I found myself being asked the same question over and over — what’s next?

While I’m not looking to move onto something new, it did get me thinking about what I would do if I was ready. I started to wonder about what the exciting opportunities of today were. After all, I lived in Silicon Valley, the reputed nexus of all innovation and technical achievement. If I was going to do something great, that was the place to do it.

Somehow, though, I found myself a bit disappointed by the conversations I was having, and the articles I was reading. I felt that more than anything, there was a trend of startups today that seemed to follow one of two paths:

  1. take an offline solution => make it online.
  2. take an online solution => make it simpler/faster.

Each of these approaches can indeed yield valuable results — recent examples include mobile apps such as Mailbox. These applications recognize that while there are already solutions, they can be improved from a user experience perspective. I applaud these solutions, and I believe there will always be room for them.

Still, neither of those approaches felt to me like they fit the “greater purpose” of the Valley as we described it at the beginning of the article: the nexus of all innovation. Instead, they were merely iterations (albeit good ones).

When you really think about the volume, variety, depth and dearth of talent that blesses the Bay Area community, one quickly realizes that such a group has a pretty high set of expectations to live up to. Iterating alone is simply not enough, we need to push the boundaries of innovation.

Typically, at this stage in the discussion, we hear references to companies like Google. Certainly, products such as Google Glass would pass all tests with respect to its ground-breaking nature, lack of competitive product offering, and so on. However, I would ask the following question of such products: do they serve a greater purpose to the common good, or are they just specialized products that serve a niche market? A preview of Sergey Brin’s (unrehearsed) answer to that question was recently presented at TED. Overall, I was unconvinced of its real value proposition to society as a whole, even if the scattered nature of the talk were to be put aside.

So, if iterating is not enough, and even innovating without a greater purpose is not enough, what does it really take?

I believe the problem lies in the growing disconnect between the best talent available and the problems that they are working on. If life was a strategy game and society was the player, we would be allocating our best men and women to work on the problems that society needs most. Logically, this would mean taking humanity’s greatest challenges (such as world hunger, global warming, and so on) and dedicating ourselves to those.

Of course, reality is not a strategy game, and that theoretical game is missing the key motivational component for any allocation scheme — money. Until the ideation community and the investment community both decide to prioritize those kinds of problems, we simply won’t see innovation in those areas.

This disconnect is particularly evident in the media — Fortune just published an article highlighting the fact that the Tumblr acquisition by Yahoo! highly overshadowed another (much larger) acquisition which was in the health care space. If we are to assume that consumer interest drives the media, then one would conclude that even today’s consumers (let alone the innovators and investors) are still largely disinterested in humanity’s biggest problems.

I am no exception — what I do every day is certainly not solving the most important problems of society, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. We all need to make a living, and not everyone gets to change the world every day. Yet, there was still a part of me that was restless about the true potential of our community’s talent, and it made me think about what we could accomplish if we prioritized differently.

My hope is that this article can at the very least provoke some thought, ideally engage some dialogue, and in a utopian world, perhaps even inspire some folks to act on ideas they’ve had all along.

Who knows? One day, we might just find ourselves innovating for the world’s biggest organization: humanity itself.

Apple’s stock price plummets: public fears they are “making too much money”

Yep, I’m back. Deal with it.

There’s been a lot of chatter recently about the stock price of Apple. This past November, it crashed to a six-month low, and continues a steady decline. In case you haven’t been watching, here’s a visual summary of its losses against the forces of gravity:

Screen Shot 2013-02-26 at 12.10.25 AM

To be clear: I do not invest in stocks at all, and have not incurred financial losses over Apple’s stock. However, I always thought that if I was going to invest in anything, it would be in Apple. The truth is, the foundations and operational successes of the company, by all critical measures, should result in an incredibly healthy stock price. Unfortunately, stock prices are determined more by speculators and those within the trading world that would benefit directly from the prices hitting certain points. Thus, they are controlled by forces we cannot truly understand as outsiders.

Still, it’s not the price that bothers me most, it’s all the people who have deluded themselves into thinking they actually understand the stock price behavior. Here are just some of the inane brain farts I have encountered:

“Steve Jobs’ death killed Apple.”

False. Since Jobs’ passing, Apple’s shares have soared more than 80% percent.

“Tim Cook cannot innovate.”

False. While he may not have Jobs’ stage presence, Cook has innovated his way to quite possibly the most efficient distribution network possible for his products. As noted in Information Week, he is considered a master of logistics, and is credited with “re-engineering Apple’s supply chain to increase profit margins while allowing for more flexibility to produce new products and make changes on the fly”. This is new territory that Jobs was never able to conquer.

“Apple is too expensive, so they don’t make much money in sales.”

False. Unless the next thing you say is “I have noticed that I tend to speak nonsense, so I will cease speaking”, please stop talking. This is a critical point, so pay attention. Apple is not just a profitable company; it is the most profitable company in the United States.

disappoint-apple

In their most recent quarterly report, Apple posted a record-breaking fifty four and a half billion dollars in profits. They generated more revenue in one quarter than Google did in all of 2012. Coincidentally, that is about fifty four and a half billion dollars more profit than Amazon makes (hint: they kind of don’t make money).

dwight-schrute-meme-generator-that-shit-crazy-false-that-shit-cray-63023e

Think about that.

Then be silent and humbled, and think about it again.

Then go do some humble yoga, eat some humble pie, and practice your impression of an inanimate object.

Okay, you may now continue reading.

Apple’s net profit margins (i.e. cash they get to keep) are the stuff of dreams for most CEOs, and it puts them in a completely different league as their competitors. The next two most profitable companies are oil companies, which, as we all know, have a contract with the devil to trick humans into buying his urine to power their go karts until the end of days. So, they clearly have an unfair advantage.

Despite the numbers, Apple’s stock tanked by a whopping 10% after they reported those record earnings. Why? Well, it turns out that Apple calculates that particular quarter as a 13-week instead of 14-week quarter, so the numbers were (logically) lower than other quarters. Somehow, this freaked people out, and consumer confidence fell again. The absurd thing is that Apple always informs the public regarding the 13-week impact ahead of time, but it still gets drowned out by the loud screams of ignorance and panic.

Apparently, even Captain Obvious is no match for the likes of The Human Idiot.

captain-obvious-stupid-done

Somehow, Apple’s stock continues to dwindle despite record profits, sales and revenues. Overall, stock prices seem to reflect an increasingly contorted picture of the health of a company. Even expert traders for the most part find that their best results will match average performance of the market, assuming they are patient enough to wait for for them over the long term.

So, the next time you’re thinking about investing in stocks for short-term returns, just try your money on the slot machines instead. They are both impossible to predict, yet delude you into thinking you’re mildly in control. Think doing your stock homework will change the outcome of your investment? It might — the same way that pulling the slot machine lever while holding your lucky Honey Boo Boo keychain might just get you a jackpot.

Good luck with that.

P.S. Why in God’s name do you have a Honey Boo Boo keychain, anyway? What is wrong with you?

Booking flights is like eating cereal… except the ‘special’ marshmallows are razor blades.

A few folks have queried me regarding my lack of posts over the last year. I attributed it primarily to my own relative happiness, implying that I tend to only compile the agglomerations of rage commonly known as my ‘rants’ when I am angry.

Well, I’m angry now.

Of late, I have had to book a lot of flights. Thinking back, the word ‘flying’ once exuded overwhelmingly positive connotations; freedom, the open skies, and being one with the mythical Gods themselves. Over time, as the novelty of human flight wore off on society, the commercial component of the experience dictated its identity entirely. Today, with excruciatingly few exceptions, flying is quite possibly the worst way to get anywhere. From paying exorbitant flight fees, to paying to check your bag, to wading through cancer-inducing security lines, to seats with legroom appropriate for a pelican. Flying just plain sucks; so much so that it drives some people toward mental breakdowns, at which point they literally jump out of planes to escape the horror of it all.

On the surface, booking a flight online seems like an ideal experience: simply go online, click a few things, and voila, you’re done! Unfortunately, as it turns out, it’s actually one of the most rage-inducing processes known to man.

At present, I have a few flights I’m trying to book over the next few months. One of these flights has literally doubled its fares in a matter of a week, for no apparent reason. On its own, this issue would not bother me — this would be manifested in a common marketplace as one store having inflated prices. The typical reaction from me, the consumer, would be to simply never go to said store anymore, and purchase my product elsewhere. The store would then realize that their customers may, in fact, think on occasion, and then reduce their prices to meet the market levels. This is a natural balancing act present in most fair marketplaces.

Of course, online flights do not follow the same economy; rather, they more accurately reflect a monopolistic environment. The minute one web site’s flight prices skyrocket, every other flight search website in existence also has its prices skyrocket, at the exact same time, with the exact same prices. This is not a coincidence, and everyone knows it. The immediacy of the change negates the natural balances normally at play, and heavily abuses the flight search sites’ collective ability to control supply. There is no justification for the service of flying an individual from one location to another change its value by 100% within 24 hours. The sad part is that no one even claims such axioms to be true; instead, the sites silently practice this openly without any ramifications. It’s robbery in broad daylight, folks.

The truth is, even the savvy consumer cannot defeat this system. The erratic nature of the pricing means that no system can predict it, so the typical consumer barely comprehends the extend of abuse that is happening. On most occasions, buying flights earlier is cheaper, but sometimes waiting a few days drops the price by hundreds of dollars. Why? No one knows, except the vendors, of course.

There is no perceptible logic behind the prices; they embody a proverbial entropy of possible values. Furthermore, because the technology that facilitates this is still relatively new, there are no regulations to prevent companies from openly abusing the system to take advantage of consumers. To supplement my case, I interviewed a hypothetical traveler in my head, and transcribed the result below. Obviously, everything below can be interpreted as 100% factual information.

ME: So, how much did the last flight you booked cost you?
TRAVELER: Umm, something like $500.
ME: I see. Is that a lot of money for that flight?
TRAVELER: Well, all the web sites I checked had it at that price. So, I did my research. Usually when I’m buying something I go to all the stores and check to find the lowest price; that way I know I got the best deal. So, it must have been the best price.
ME: Have you flown this flight before?
TRAVELER: Yes, a few times.
ME: How much did it cost in the past?
TRAVELER: One time it was around $350, another time I paid around $400.
ME: Why do you think the prices changed so much?
TRAVELER: I don’t know… maybe gas prices went up?
ME: FALSE.
ME: I just searched the flight you went on — it’s $300. Did gas prices just halve since you flew?
TRAVELER:
ME:: Even if they did, that would mean flight prices were based on gas, so the longer the flight, the more expensive it would be. Right?
TRAVELER: …yes, that would make sense…
ME: FALSE.
ME: There are hundreds of flights that go twice as far as your flight for half the price.
TRAVELER: You are making me sad now.
ME: You just buy flights without having any idea what their actual value is worth, so you just pay whatever price you see.
ME: Y U SHOP LIKE SHEEP?
TRAVELER: I… I… don’t have a choice…
ME: Exactly.

I hope someday a savvy entrepreneur or developer sees the opening here and builds a service that optimizes flight searches for you. Bing has tried to do this, but I find their forecasting system to be occasionally reliable at best. I want to be be able to put in some dates for my flight, and expect that I will pay the standard amount for that flight. End of story. Is that really so much to ask?

For all of you flight buyers out there who blame yourself for “missing the price drop”, stop beating yourself up. Instead, target your rage towards the flight search companies.

My suggestion: procure a harpoon and deploy a variety of arrows to their collective faces, and then charge them an inconvenience fee for making you waste time buying a harpoon.

CNN: Breaking (the integrity of) News

All across America right now, people are celebrating the beautiful victory of democracy, and hailing the dethroning of a leader who has lost favor among the people. I began to wonder: what sources do Americans they have to follow along with the latest updates? How do they view the latest videos? Well, Al-Jazeera is not available, so viewers resort to the largest news network in the country: CNN.

I can say without any hesitation that CNN is providing the absolute best, most in-depth, and up-to-date coverage of their Top Story right now. Unfortunately, while CNN is highlighting a democratic victory, the victor in their story is not Egypt. Instead, their celebrated hero is none other than the Canadian band Arcade Fire. Furthermore, the forum of their victory is not a country’s government, but rather the 2011 Grammy awards ceremony.

Although it has its detractors, CNN generally has a reputation of being at least somewhat unbiased, and is mostly expected to provide news for a global audience. After all, it’s not like the head of CNN just woke up one day and arbitrarily labelled his network the Most Trusted Name in News… that would be silly. In case there is anyone out there who is still deluded enough to buy into that, I present to you Exhibit A, CNN’s current front page:

cnn_priorities

CNN strongly feels it is important for everyone to know the outcome of the Best Album award…but sees no reason for its readers to know that parliament has literally dissolved in Egypt. Priorities.

Having read the article, I now know exactly how long Pop Music has been unfairly ruling the awards. I know the hardship fans have had to endure as their favorite untalented bands failed to make a dent in the Grammys. Thankfully, I can breathe easy knowing that literally hundreds of people can now live their lives free of the oppression and hardship involved in being a fan of a Grammy-less artist. Words cannot express my joy at this point.

Now, let me be clear: I have absolutely nothing against Arcade Fire. I have never even heard their music. My problem is with how much importance their story was given by CNN relative to other, more pressing stories going on at the moment. I can’t think of too many specific examples of important stories right now, but I did overhear some vague rumours about some sort of mildly glorious upheaval of a half-century long dictatorship. Something like that.

To learn more about the colossal failures of news networks, watch the white knights of news: Mr. Stewart and Mr. Colbert. They will likely tell you (in the most entertaining fashion) that the alternative to CNN, FOX news, is even worse. I won’t get into a FOX rant right now though, as that merits its own extended tirade.

Wake up and smell the Egyptian flowers, CNN. Maybe if your Senior VP spent less time coming up with nicknames for himself (“KC”? Seriously? Where is a harpoon when you need one?), he would have more time to deliver on his responsibility to the viewers.

At this point, I’m fairly certain that Kanye West puts more thought into what he says publicly than CNN does into their front page prioritization.

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NEWSFLASH: ‘American’ is not a measurement system

Many centuries ago, humanity decided it’s probably a good idea to measure things in a consistent and uniform manner. Pretty much the entire world agreed on this, but there were some children in the class who wanted to use a ball of clay instead of a pencil to write their homework. America was one of those dumbass children.

With the creation of the “American system” aka the Imperial system aka the United States customary system, the world was given a brand new way of doing everything wrong. Below is a summary of the system’s greatest features:

  • CONSISTENCY FAIL: The relation between units is completely nonsensical (Why is 12 inches a foot? Why not 13? Why 3 feet in a yard? Who the hell picked these numbers?)
  • MULTIPLICITY FAIL: It’s impossible to denote orders of magnitude increases in the same unit (There is no such thing as a kilofoot)
  • TERMINOLOGY FAIL: The unit names are absurd, and include fan favorites such as:
    • Furlongs
    • Chains
    • Leagues
    • Rods

Rods. Rods. Seriously? I got in touch with the original creator of the American Imperial unit system, and had a conversation with him about what some of these units actually mean:

ME: So…what the hell is a rod?
FOGHORN: A rod is a unit of measure.
ME: How big is a rod?
FOGHORN: A rod is exactly 1 rod in length.
ME: Okay… How long is 1 rod in length?
FOGHORN: Oh. Simple: 25 links.
ME: You mean like sausage links? It’s the length of 25 sausages?
FOGHORN: No, no. Links. The unit of measure.
ME: I’m hungry now. What was I saying?
FOGHORN: A link is a unit of measure.
ME: Oh, right. So how long is a link?
FOGHORN: A link is exactly 33/50 fractions of a foot.
ME: …Why?
FOGHORN: Why not?
ME: You know what I’m going to ask next.
FOGHORN: I assume you want to know the length of a foot.
ME: You’re quite bright for someone who invented something so retarded.
FOGHORN: …Anyway, a foot is the length of a foot. You know what a foot is.
ME: Right, but whose foot?
FOGHORN: A good old fashioned red-blooded American’s foot, of course!
ME: So… you invented a system that uses a human foot, even though you are a giant chicken? Isn’t that depressing?
FOGHORN: Well I wanted to use my own foot but I am about eight times the size of a normal chicken, and I didn’t want people to use normal chicken feet sizes by mistake. So, to avoid confusion, I used human feet.
ME:
FOGHORN: By the way, if you’re still hungry, I actually do have some sausage links.
ME: No thanks, I don’t eat pork.
ME: Don’t you feel weird eating a pig, though? I mean, the pig pen is like right next to yours in the farm.
FOGHORN: I am an oversized cartoon chicken, why do you assume anything I do makes sense?
ME: Touchè.

NOTE: Just to be clear, all of the measurements used above are accurate. 1 rod = 25 links = 33/50 foot. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

Seriously though, when I say the US is alone in this, I mean it. The map below indicates which countries don’t use the metric system:

metric-system

As you can see, the red countries are communists. Need I say more?

…Well I’m going to, anyway. It’s not just about the metric system. Let’s not forget the wonderful Fahrenheit system. The other temperature systems chose their scale based on logical points of significance, like the freezing point of water. Fahrenheit chose a completely arbitrary point in the temperature scale to base the system off of. Want to know how? There were actually three references points which led to his scale. Here’s my favorite:

“The third point, 96 degrees, was the level of the liquid in the thermometer when held in the mouth or under the armpit of his wife.”

Holy shit dude, it’s hot outside. Like really hot. Hell, it’s almost Mrs. Fahrenheit’s armpit degrees outside!

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Why is every smartphone still so stupid?

Most people don’t actually realize how much processing power the typical “smart” phone has these days. They are capable of a lot more than what they do today. But when it comes to the evolution of the phone, I feel like the focus is on all the wrong things.

Watching video on a phone makes me feel like a palm reader in training

Yes, there are occasions where it’s convenient to watch a YouTube clip of a cat doing stupid shit on your phone so that you can show your friends on the train home. Of course, this is simply to wet their appetite for the real epic cat video watching session, which will happen on a much more appropriately sized screen.

Even so, the fact is, you should be watching things on a large screen. That is why large screens were made. No one wants to watch a 2 hour movie on a 3 inch screen. No one. So why is there so much effort and emphasis toward video capabilities in the phone? This is just another example of lack of focus. The truth is, cell phone manufacturers love to implement new functionality which falls into the bucket of glittery unicorn features, whose sole purpose is to distract from the utter failure of modern day cell phones to do what they were designed to do: successfully make calls.

There is no such thing as 3G

I’m not sure where in this world a 3G network actually exists that delivers 3G speeds (which might justify emphasis on technologies like streaming video), but it certainly isn’t on this continent. Instead, the most popular apps are ones that are based solely on sending a maximum of ten words to the internet in hopes for some meaningful response. This is actually a very popular trend, mainly because every other person is also unable to get any videos to load and thus resorts to the only reliable form of communication today: text messages.

Cell phone carriers charging for text messages is like McDonalds charging a toll for the freaking drive-through

The fact is, carriers like AT&T will provide customers with unlimited data for $20 / month, yet charge them $0.10 for each text message. I cannot stress how convoluted, absurd, and downright satanic this is. I don’t know why there aren’t class-action lawsuits against text messages. The cost to transfer a single message is so miniscule, the fact that they even measure it is just plain ridiculous. To give you a sense of the numbers, I’ve constructed this handy diagram below. It compares typical text message usage to typical data plan usage. Of course, in order for a slither of a bar to even appear on the graph, I have added a couple of measures for more trigger-happy texters.

I’d like to point out that if you were to get charged for your data plan usage at the same rate as text messages, you’d be paying a whopping $10,000/month. I guess we should be thankful?

A phone that only talks to other phones is essentially a racist

If I am sitting in my living room, and I want to change the channel, and I have my phone in my pocket, I should be able to take out my phone and change the channel. It should be that simple. You can buy a freaking universal remote to accomplish this task, and yet the microprocessors inside today’s phones cannot accomplish the same feat.

I want to be able to control the lights in my room with my phone. I want to control the volume on my speaker system. I want to play music on my phone and have it play on my speaker system. I want to view pictures on my phone and then have them show up on my TV. All wirelessly.

Yes, I understand there are complexities in getting such things to work. But I feel like if you want to make a “single device for all your needs” actually serve your needs, it needs to stop trying to emulate personal computers and televisions (which were kind of designed to do things like watch video), and instead innovate on being a control system for more specialized devices. The phone should be a communication device not just between people, but between devices themselves.

What pisses me off the post is that phones cannot even manage to send and receive calls without problems. Dropped calls, shitty phone quality, weak bars, these are just part of the normal phone experience. Despite this, all the innovation goes toward stupid shit like making everything a goddamn touch screen.

I long for the day when I wake up and my phone sounds its alarms on my speakers, turns on the weather channel on my TV, turns the heating off, and flashes a message on its screen telling me how many minutes I have left until the next bus comes. And no, I am not asking for too much. It’s two thousand freaking ten.

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Airlines to begin charging passengers for oxygen

What’s amazing about the title of this post is that I had to actually spend a minute thinking about what would be ludicrous for an airline to charge for. Ironically, everything from your checked baggage to in-flight movies to freaking peanuts is already not free.

Yes, peanuts. This one upsets my soul. First of all, any company that cannot afford to give people free peanuts should probably not be authorized to maintain a fleet of aircraft. Secondly, you will usually have to pay some insane fee like $5 for peanuts on an airplane. Peanuts are supposed to cost peanuts. It’s an expression for a reason.

Once upon a time, I used to actually look forward to flying. It was alluring, filled with the romantic excitement of being thousands of feet above the ground. Back then, everything was complimentary. You would get free snacks, free meals, free headphones, free drinks, free checked bags, and more. Once you stepped into an airplane you were given a level of comfort that you simply didn’t get anywhere else.

Nowadays, flying is an experience everyone dreads. And it’s not just the airplanes. Airports have now become like the entry gates to jail. You get stripped, scanned, interrogated, and humiliated, and even if you somehow get through all that, you’re headed straight into a crowded hell-hole where you will have absolutely no privacy, a bathroom the size of your nightstand, and meal selections which consist of various cardboard-based cuisines.

Screen Shot 2013-02-25 at 11.54.04 PM

The TSA is the warden of that jail. They love making up all kinds of dumbasstacular rules to compensate for the fact that they have yet to actually stop anyone who posed a real threat to a flight. Even when that Nigerian stuck some Pop Rocks in his pants and triggered an “explosion”, it was the handiwork of nearby passengers, not the TSA, that stopped him. The TSA has since banned passengers from carrying this new, deadly weapon.

The latest decree from TSA included restrictions which prevents passengers from using the in-flight entertainment system (at all), having items on their lap, or using the bathroom in the final hour of the flight. Also, things like Wi-Fi will no longer be allowed at any time.

PRO TIP: When carrying passengers on flights which may last many hours, it is generally not a good idea to place them under conditions that actually promote suicidal tendencies in normal passengers. In addition, if there ever is a hijacker on the plane, this genius set of rules will ensure that they are bored, hungry, groggy, agitated, dying to pee, and eagerly anticipating the opportunity to karate kick every single thing in sight just so that they stretch their freaking legs out.

I think the biggest indicator of reaching sub-neanderthal levels of intelligence is when even FOX news is making fun of you. Speaking of retarded, Sarah Palin finally admitted that she is, in fact, mentally challenged and checked into a facility where she will be surrounded by her kind. But wait, it gets better. She recently made an appearance on Leno (insert scathing anti-Leno pro-Coco remark here). While on the show, she stated her reason for joining:

“I think that the mainstream media is quite broken and I think that there needs to be the fairness, the balance in there. That’s why I joined Fox.”

Two words: Irony Explosion.

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