Monthly Archives: June 2009

PETA overtakes the UN in 2009 OPI List (Organizations Practicing Irrelevance)

PETA, in its latest efforts to remove all doubt that it has A.D.D., decided to issue a statement to the President of the United States. We’re not talking about just any target here, this is the biggest possible target they could pick on.

Now, in case you ran into a wall and couldn’t get up for a week, this all started when Obama had an interview with CNBC. During the interview, a fly buzzed around him for a while, until it became annoying enough to warrant serious action. He then proceeded to smack the fly with his hand, demonstrating dexterity comparable to Bush’s shoe evasion techniques (then again, no one on earth could compete with Bush’s evasion skills — 8 years doing what he did and evading impeachment? that deserves a Nobel prize).

While reading this article, I almost felt like PETA could be thought of as an annoying fly which serves no purpose except to fly around and remind others of its existence. This proverbial fly is now buzzing around Obama. The hypothetical scenario gives me some hope that Obama might just treat PETA with the same fate. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

No, you say. Who would perform the critical duties that PETA does? Ah, of course. Critical duties. For example, PETA was so offended by Obama’s fly swatting theatrics that they issued a statement against it, and sent him a special “kit” to help him avoid killing flies in the future. See below.

Yes. It’s real. They actually sent something which looks like a swiffer sweeper with a shitty public bathroom paper towel stuck to the end of it to the President of the United States. Stunning.

This device is actually an excellent representative of how absurd PETA as an organization is. When we think of cruelty to animals, we think about KFC chicken tractors, designer shampoo made of animal extracts, and other things which hippies pretend to find offensive. If you were in any way actually concerned about defending animals, you would go after the giant companies that are doing this on a daily basis in gigantic proportions. Instead, this moronic collection of Darwinian Exceptions to Evolution decide to go after the President because he swatted a fly. Kudos. Way to pick your battles, guys.

They could easily put a list together of institutions that kill animals on a regular basis, and target them. However, all that would do is save animals. Where’s the fun in that? At the end of the day it’s all about getting attention. Even so, no one seems to understand the simple concept that all attention is not good attention. While I don’t find their lack of insight surprising, I am left wondering where they found the time for all this. I would have figured they are way too busy spending their time killing all those animals.


Recent study shows recent studies show nothing

Have you ever read about a study which goes completely against common knowledge? It seems like pretty much every study in existence today was created solely for that purpose. The truth is that no one wants to hear about a study which confirms what people already know – that would be boring. But the minute a standing assumption is broken, the alarms must be sounded.

The media in particular doesn’t seem to ever give reference or context to the studies they talk about. The term ‘recent study’ has now become a synonym for a fact that is clearly accepted by everyone on the planet and no one should argue with.

In reality, some student somewhere did a study where they found that under certain circumstances, there might be a correlation between A and B. Of course, by the time it reaches the media, eating tacos causes swine flu.

Every time I hear one of this moronic reports I ignore them almost by reflex, because there is a 99% chance there will be another study in 6 months which proves the exact opposite. The whole godamn system is flawed.

The even bigger problem is that people today are used to being told what to do, what to eat, what to watch, what to wear. So much so, that if they start making stupid decisions in life, they start suing anyone they can for not telling them what to do.

Think about it. Just off the top of my head, I can list a bunch of shit that has gone from “Good/harmless” to “MAY CAUSE CANCER/DEATH” without any real basis:

  • Eggs
  • Yogurt
  • Coffee
  • Cell phones
  • Water. Water, for crying out loud.

I’m sure you can add to that list. The truth is, someone can do research to prove that anything is bad for you. As long as it makes a story, why the hell not?

The worst part about the studies is that people start to freak out. We all know how dangerous it is when stupid people freak out. Just stop for a second and realize that if you’ve been eating eggs everyday for the past 10 years and you are alive, then you read a study about how eggs will kill you, YOU JUST DISPROVED THE STUDY. You are not the Great Exception to science, there is nothing special about you. You have probably eaten enough shit in your life to warrant death via other means, so if eggs had the power to push you over the edge they would have done so already.

What’s the solution? Moderation. Anything in excess is probably going to hurt you, it’s not freaking rocket science. You can still eat the shit you want, just don’t do it too much. Don’t sit on your ass too much. Don’t read into studies too much. Don’t watch FOX news ever.

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